The Fatherhood Trilogy

When my wife revealed she was pregnant with our first child just over 4 years ago I was stricken with a sense of urgency to learn everything about child-rearing - how to care for an infant, how to make them smart, how to get them into a good college, how to make sure they aren't bratty, how to get them to sleep, how to help them find a good partner, what is attachment parenting, how to potty-train, do I need soothers, what kind of gear is actually necessary... you get the picture; I'm a bit of a freak. Call it first-time fatherhood jitters, but I seriously felt a need to learn everything I could and so I dashed to the library and walked out with a stack of books, determined to consume every single one. 

As I embarked on my parenting inquiry I was immediately overwhelmed and perplexed by the sheer variety of books available - each one of my questions could have easily been answered ten times over! I also learned something about my reading habits that I never realized before - I'm a habitual researcher. Since parenting provides constant challenges and I'm always keen on doing some research, I keep parenting books on my radar (currently, I've borrowed Brain Rules for BABY by John Medina). After reading at least a dozen books on the subject of parenting (and attempting, but failing to read at least a dozen more) I've come to realize:

a) there's a lot of terribly useless information out there, so not all advice is necessary or worthy - know who's opinions you trust and follow your gut when taking advice

b) experience trumps everything as the best educator - no two kids are the same, so one-size-fits-all advice is just a pipe dream

c) take what you can - try it and if you like it, keep it

Now, I'm no expert at fatherhood, but I have been able to glean some incredibly valuable information and practical strategies from a few parenting books. At this point, I've read (and re-read) three books that have positively influenced my fatherhood experience - and I've even managed to rub some of my learning off on my wife (who admittedly relies on old fashioned instincts, not habitual research like me). I find myself often recommending this parenting trilogy to anyone willing to listen, especially new parents that feel a need to do some research...

The Whole Brain Child 
by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel

The most practical and resourceful parenting book I've read to date. Dr. Siegal provides 12 easy-to-implement strategies for dealing with everything from defiance to tantrums and more. The title stems from the scientific principle that the brain is divided in two ways - left and right; top and bottom - and when there is discord between one side or the other, problem behaviours in children will arise. Each strategy proposes ways to balance or integrate all parts of a child's brain to calm and soothe them.

The Parent's Tao Te Ching 
by William Martin

A simple poetic read based on the principles of Taoism and finding the middle way as a parent. The text is divided into 81 poems, which include questions to guide your reflection on the principles of parenting outlined. This format allows the text to function as a daily reflective journal which can be digested one or two (or ten) poems at a time. Ultimately, this book connected to my love of poetic forms and reinvigorated the joy I feel in fatherhood.




Family Wisdom From the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari 
by Robin Sharma

Robin Sharma talking about family. 'Nuff said.

What's on your bookshelf?

I was recently inspired by our journey of symbolism and tragic love in my Gr.10 English Class. John Green's Looking for Alaska is one of our 'Book Club' novel selections and a quote from the book actually inspired this post.

In the novel, Alaska Young describes her room: "When I look at my room I see a girl who loves books..." The quote immediately turned my thinking to one of my favourite pieces of furniture in my house: my bookshelf.

I don't love the bookshelf itself (a great Costco purchase BTW) but rather the story that the bookshelf tells. Nestled among our favourite novels, puzzles, games and children's books are photoboxes, albums and yearbooks with nostalgic memories of days gone by. Images of my loving family - my wife and I on our wedding day, my son and daughters in their infancy - overlook our main living area as we go about our daily lives. 

Standing boldly upright is the handmade oak bible box built by my father (1 of 6 actually, which he made for each of his children one Christmas). An old-time radio adorned with a brass Superman logo sits at the top; it's one of a few remaining Superman collectibles from years of scavenging for anything related to my favourite comic book hero. Scattered throughout the shelves are artifacts from Thailand, California, the Dominican and our wedding day, among other notable collectibles from our shared or independent adventures.

In our house, our bookshelf serves many functions - mainly to house books of course - but for me it serves as a great symbol. Dig a little deeper and you might notice some order amidst the chaos of the shelf - each section represents the collective wisdom of a life spent wondering and wandering. 

I'm curious now - what's on your bookshelf?

Just start...

Since creating my first blog post several weeks ago, I've been reflecting on how to use Robin Sharma's message to just start in my classroom. Recently I've been contemplating whether or not to dump a traditional whole-class novel study in my English class and explore 'Book Clubs' as an alternative. I've done enough research to start, but we all know that experience is the best educator so jumping in seemed like the next logical step. The book club concept seems like an incredibly uncomfortable risk when we are bound by the time constraints of a semester and we grimace at the potential lack of control this process proposes.

I am blessed with a group of open-minded students who have joined me on a renewed teaching journey this year... I've scrapped all my old materials and changed up my teaching style dramatically with this class to allow room for greater risk-taking (and the results have been inspiring). The risks relate to the types of assignments given, the amount of choice and freedom I give and how they can meet the expectations in the classroom. It's a messy venture at times, though the results are promising.

The biggest change I've made ties to my students perceptions of themselves - many of them entered my classroom with self-deprecating thoughts and beliefs, especially about their academic abilities. We know that these thoughts prevent students from seeing success and thereby experiencing their own brilliance. So I've made it my mission to use literature and writing to help them make this discovery, open their mindset and realize their potential.

I have seen every single one of my students shine in some way or another this term - reluctant readers have found books to love, anxious nerves have been overcome to complete oral presentations, shy thinkers have openly shared their beliefs during class and struggling writers have found their voice through greater organization and development. 

Our curiosities about tragedy.

Because of these successes, we are entering the realm of book clubs. Our focus is 'tragic love' and as such we've chosen four high interest texts to examine this concept, including a graphic, plain-text novelization of 'Romeo and Juliet', which many of my students thought they'd never attempt. There's that self-defeat again - their misconceptions have led them to believe Shakespeare is not for them even though we know that Shakespeare wrote for the masses.

We started the unit by examining two key inquiry questions - What is love? (cue Haddaway)and What is tragedy? I'm inspired by the variety of beliefs and experiences that these students were able to share on these topics. Love and tragedy seem to be so central to teen experience (and really, aren't they central to experience regardless of age?) so naturally, my students expressed even more curiosities. So what do we do when we are curious? We ask more questions... and that's exactly what my students did.

Part of our focus for the unit will explore how literature allows us to come to terms with our own reality. We'll check to see how tragic love has evolved over time and determine whether or not there are universal truths that literature can reveal to us. We'll revisit the questions we have about love and tragedy to see if character experience can give us new insight into our own beliefs. All of this in theory of course, because we have only just begun and part of my fear is that some may get lost amidst the breadth of independence and focus this journey requires from them...

Our curiosities about love... hmmm... interesting...

At any rate - we have started - and I am nervous and excited and very uncomfortable. Will my students be able to maintain focus? Will they carry on academic discourse or get lost in distraction? Will they hold themselves accountable to ensure they're contributing to their novel study groups? Will this whole thing end in a gigantic mess full of tears, stress and a burned out teacher feeling like this was the worst idea EVER? 

I'm hopeful that all will end well - and at the very least, no matter how messy it gets - I know that the greatest risk is to not take any risks at all. Regardless of the outcome, this feels like a risk worth taking.

When a book finds you...

Stop and think about your greatest reading experience... what were you reading? What did you like about it? What resonated with you? At what point in your life did you have this reading experience?

Chances are you visualized a favourite book - a well used hardcover or paperback (or even board book!) that you read, reread and lived out for most of your days. Rarely do we come across literature so perfect and poignant that it holds its place in our hearts forever; something about the confluence of our age, our experience and serendipitous timing allows us to fully embrace an author's cast of conflicted characters and allow their influence to change our lives. Shared below are my three most important reads - books that changed my life. Not just top picks or comedies or heart warmers - these are books that have left an imprint so deep on my fragile and impressionable soul that every word nestles gently inside of me forever.  Yes, they're that important.

1) The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

After being kicked out of school, Holden Caulfield travels from the midwest to New York City. He narrates his experiences as he returns home to his family and through the process he, begrudgingly of course, comes of age.

I picked this up when I was a senior in high school and digested the entire work in just 2 days - a feat I had never accomplished with any other novel before. For two days Holden Caulfield spoke to me, and Salinger's poetic narrative stunned my deadened senses. Reading this book was the catalyst for my love of literature, language and fiction and likely prompted my post-secondary studies.

The popularity of this novel stems from its recognition of the struggles of adolescence and likely from it's controversial content, which led to its banning in the 50s. For me, Holden Caulfield represents the conflicted rite of passage we call coming of age - a transitional time so fraught with uncertainty that we desperately fight against change to the point of denial, dismissal and what Holden calls 'being a phony'. Above all, Holden reminds us that the falseness in society (and in self) represents our irrepressible and ongoing need to find beauty in reality and comfort in our vulnerabilities.

So many valuable truths are spoken in this novel - including the passage below - "if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you". Everyone of us has something to offer and so all of us have the capacity to impact the life of another - but sadly so many of us deny or hide or rob ourselves of the opportunity to shine for fear of ridicule or failure. The novel's central theme reminds us, especially in its quintessential depiction of Holden acting as the catcher in the rye, that the unstoppable force of change should compel us to embrace and live in each passing moment before we inevitably must make the drop. As such, The Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caulfield caught me at a perfect moment in time.

2) But No Elephants by Jerry Smath

Seems like an odd inclusion, but hang on, there's more to this classic children's story than you can imagine. Don't forget, I feel the importance of a book stems more from when it finds you, not just from what it offers you... and this one just keeps coming back to me.

The story begins simply enough - Grandma Tildy leads a peaceful, yet lonely existence in her tiny homestead until one fateful day a traveling pet salesman arrives with a menagerie of animals to choose from. Throughout the course of the story, Grandma Tildy buys a beaver, a turtle, a canary and a woodpecker. Each animal adds something to her life or assists in some way - ie. the beaver helps chop firewood, the canary sings beautiful songs and the woodpecker fixes her leaky roof. With each purchase she adamantly refuses to even entertain the notion of owning an elephant by exclaiming "but no elephants!" 

That is one angry granny.

As winter unleashes its icy grip on the small town, the pet salesman is forced to leave the elephant outside Grandma Tildy's front door... Grandma Tildy still will not bend - there is no room for elephants in her house!

Such a frigid, unbendable soul.

Eventually the elephant becomes buried in snow and when he begins to sob uncontrollably, Grandma Tildy gives in and allows the elephant to live with her and her other pets. You can imagine the type of burden an elephant might place on a person's food supply - and after falling through the old house's floor, the elephant's presence in the house actually puts everyone's life in great danger. Grandma Tildy's hunch about the elephant's futility quickly becomes her perilous reality.

Has depression-era living taught you
nothing about rations?!

Feeling incredibly guilty, the elephant contemplates exactly what he can do to remedy the situation. On an impulse, he carefully rises up, taking the house with him. From there he begins to walk south and he eventually migrates Grandma Tildy's entire animal family (and her beloved home) to a sunny locale free of winter. There they spend the rest of their days living happily and accepting elephants with open arms.

And so began the legend of the Canadian snowbird...

Pretty important stuff right? I know that on the surface this may seem like a rather trivial and lighthearted tale, but read the story as much as I have and you too will see that the rich spiral of symbolism has no end. 

Just me and my grandma.
Circa 1986.

On a personal note, this remains one of my favourite childhood stories because my mom read this to my brothers and I whenever requested (which was often 2-3 times a night if we weren't preoccupied with our Transformers). My mother always lovingly obliged and so I admire her patience, especially since becoming a parent myself has taught me that you need bucket loads of that stuff. My mom's dedication to reading (with consistent voices mind you!) most certainly inspired my own love of the written word. I also feel a certain familial attachment to Grandma Tildy, who bears a striking resemblance to my own grandmother. 

As I reflect on this book more in my adulthood I immediately recognize the overarching ideas of acceptance, companionship, purpose-driven living and having an open mindset. In the end, this book is not about elephants - it's about humanity and our stubborn inability to accept and celebrate differences among ourselves (and more importantly, the joy we can find when we truly do celebrate our differences). But No Elephants challenges us to consider different perspectives, find the positives in a tough situation and ultimately, like Grandma Tildy, embrace our fears so that we can eventually overcome them. As my role has switched from child to parent, I now share this book with my children and hope that they too will someday recognize the 'medicine among the cherries' of this well-read classic.

Not bad for a small tale about a big elephant and a stubborn old granny, eh?

3) To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I have a confession to make about this must-read classic... we didn't find each other until I had to teach Grade 11 English for the first time nearly 5 years ago (gasp! Please make no mention of this to my department head!). Despite my ignorance, I still believe this book found me at just the right time and like I tell my students, To Kill a Mockingbird (TKAM) is quite possibly the most important piece of literature we ask them to read.

Part autobiography, part civil-rights era commentary, Harper Lee crafted this genius piece of fiction depicting life in small town, depression-era Alabama. The story focuses on Atticus Finch, a white lawyer, and his two young children, Scout and Jem, who abide in a traditionally racist (yet seemingly polite) southern community. Written from six-year-old Scout's naive, yet powerfully insightful perspective, the novel hits its stride when Atticus is assigned to defend Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a white woman.

Tempers flare. Death threats are uttered. Lives, including those of the young children, come to face great harm. Amidst all the chaos, the steadfast and stern-faced voice of reason, Atticus Finch, leads the charge towards a more equitable reality for all of humanity (black and white; man and woman; young and old). What But No Elephants did for reconciling differences of physiological need TKAM does for helping its readers come to terms with their own prejudices. It's that deep.

Simply put, this book allows me to bear witness to the great impact of literature whenever I journey through the text with a class. Every time we hang with the Finches, new ideas, themes, interpretations of symbols and analysis of character bring to light the complex web of value this novel has to offer. When I need to provide an example of integrity - I speak of Atticus Finch. When conflict emerges among myself or my students, I need only to remember to get around and climb in someone else's skin for a while. When life beats you down, don't ever forget what real courage is. Just when I think we've exhausted all this novel has to offer, I get re-inspired by the new found insights of my students.

As far as literature goes, TKAM's vocabulary sounds out simply and the big ideas are embedded well through strong characterization and symbolism... and that really serves as this novel's allure. TKAM addresses the masses, smashing them in the face with rhetoric clearer than a bright blue sky. The challenge isn't in the text as much as its in the text or rather, context... it's message rings as true today as it did in the 60s. One click of any internet news feed will provide an ongoing reel of racially-charged prejudice and violence happening all over the world. The novel begged us to contemplate how to resolve these issues in the past and I pose that same challenge to my students (and myself) today. For me, Atticus serves as the greatest example of how to uphold human dignity, embrace the power of education and live courageously - and so I feel Harper Lee challenges us all to find the power to live just the same. 

Because of this novel, I've reached out to community partners like the Buxton National Historic Site and Museum to share the rich cultural history of our community with our students. The museum never disappoints, and its educational value grows as students recognize the impact that slavery has had not only on North American history, but our small town's history as well. From there they begin to see the thread of fear and hatred which continues to stitch and weave along the seams of history well into the night...

My hope is that my students continue to ponder what value they will give to their own and other people's lives; To Kill a Mockingbird and all of its moral teachings certainly provides an entry point for such revelations.