When my wife revealed she was pregnant with our first child just over 4 years ago I was stricken with a sense of urgency to learn everything about child-rearing - how to care for an infant, how to make them smart, how to get them into a good college, how to make sure they aren't bratty, how to get them to sleep, how to help them find a good partner, what is attachment parenting, how to potty-train, do I need soothers, what kind of gear is actually necessary... you get the picture; I'm a bit of a freak. Call it first-time fatherhood jitters, but I seriously felt a need to learn everything I could and so I dashed to the library and walked out with a stack of books, determined to consume every single one.
As I embarked on my parenting inquiry I was immediately overwhelmed and perplexed by the sheer variety of books available - each one of my questions could have easily been answered ten times over! I also learned something about my reading habits that I never realized before - I'm a habitual researcher. Since parenting provides constant challenges and I'm always keen on doing some research, I keep parenting books on my radar (currently, I've borrowed Brain Rules for BABY by John Medina). After reading at least a dozen books on the subject of parenting (and attempting, but failing to read at least a dozen more) I've come to realize:
a) there's a lot of terribly useless information out there, so not all advice is necessary or worthy - know who's opinions you trust and follow your gut when taking advice
b) experience trumps everything as the best educator - no two kids are the same, so one-size-fits-all advice is just a pipe dream
c) take what you can - try it and if you like it, keep it
Now, I'm no expert at fatherhood, but I have been able to glean some incredibly valuable information and practical strategies from a few parenting books. At this point, I've read (and re-read) three books that have positively influenced my fatherhood experience - and I've even managed to rub some of my learning off on my wife (who admittedly relies on old fashioned instincts, not habitual research like me). I find myself often recommending this parenting trilogy to anyone willing to listen, especially new parents that feel a need to do some research...
The Whole Brain Child by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel
The most practical and resourceful parenting book I've read to date. Dr. Siegal provides 12 easy-to-implement strategies for dealing with everything from defiance to tantrums and more. The title stems from the scientific principle that the brain is divided in two ways - left and right; top and bottom - and when there is discord between one side or the other, problem behaviours in children will arise. Each strategy proposes ways to balance or integrate all parts of a child's brain to calm and soothe them.
The Parent's Tao Te Ching by William Martin
A simple poetic read based on the principles of Taoism and finding the middle way as a parent. The text is divided into 81 poems, which include questions to guide your reflection on the principles of parenting outlined. This format allows the text to function as a daily reflective journal which can be digested one or two (or ten) poems at a time. Ultimately, this book connected to my love of poetic forms and reinvigorated the joy I feel in fatherhood.
Family Wisdom From the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
by Robin Sharma
Robin Sharma talking about family. 'Nuff said.
